Curtain Twitcher near her gate: "Are you the postman?"
Me: (standing there on the pavement near their gate with pouring rain running down my uniform and the mail getting soaked) replied.
"Nope.. I just dress like this for the fun of it and help him out on his delivery.. I am actually an elf" (sarcasm delivered with a smile)
and then walked on.
Them: "I was only asking as I got a card through my door just now"
Me: (walking back) "Wasn't me madam, as you can see I've only just got here and I was going past as you have no mail today, look at the time on the card and see what that says."
Them: "It came through the door about an hour ago."
Me: "Well that answers that one then doesn't it." (again sarcastically.. and with yet another smile)
Them: But I need it today, it's important"
Me: (looks at card), "Sorry, you'll have to get it tomorrow, pointing at the ticked box... it says you'll have to get it the next day as you weren't in when the driver came."
Them: "I only popped out for a few minutes"
Me: "How's he meant to know that then? If no-one is in then he'll leave a card to tell you he's been."
Them: Why didn't he leave it with a neighbour like you say you can do?"
Me: (getting a bit pissed off now)
"Madam." If he doesn't feel that it is safe to do so then he won't leave it with a neighbour as it's his job on the line if it goes missing or they deny having it, and I am not in charge of him. So that's down to him and not me. If I was in his position then I'd do exactly the same. I have to go now as I have another two bags of mail to deliver and I can't stand here and chew the fat with you, as much as you'd like to do so, no doubt indoors and in the dry. I am outside getting soaked through here even more so talking to you about something that wasn't delivered by me.
Me (walking off to carry on delivering)
"customers"... don't you just love 'em!