Patience is a requirement when visiting the local PO (USA)

[TrueBlueTerrier]

The Blogger is based in America but I think our Counter Colleagues would get a laugh out of this:



Patience is a requirement when visiting the local post office

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It's one of THOSE days. The rules of the unlikelihood of three morons simultaneously in line at the front of 15 people at the post office failed. All three morons were there. One each went to a different window. There are but three windows. If we, the crowd behind them, had know what was going on, we'd all have gone to lunch instead of standing in the post office counter line.


Moron One plunked her large package, half-by-half-by-half a meter, onto the first window. As a postal user, I assessed from fifth in line position, the package was sealed with facial tissue and a few daubs of mucilage. But, it was heavy-duty facial tissue. And the mucilage was nearly dry. It would never go through the U.S. Postal System like that, I presumed.

The clerk, too, assessed the package: "We'll have to tape this up a bit better. Next time you need to use tape, like this," and held up a dispenser of real package sealing tape available at any MegaStore.

The clerk properly sealed the package, while he asked, "How would you like this sent?" and explained at Moron One's request the various classifications of cost and related time for delivery.

"Priority," Moron One selected from the options.

"Your address label is way too small," the clerk pointed out. I could see the label the customer had was nearly as big as a Forever postage stamp. "And for priority mail, you need to fill in the special priority label," the clerk concluded.

Have you ever watched one of those older people who write in copperplate, slowly and deliberately, but especially SLOWLY?

The crowd grew restless. "Maybe one of us should fill in the form for her," someone suggested. But no one volunteered then moved forward to do it. They didn't want to lose their place in the growing line, which now extended from the counter line into the lock box lobby.

Eventually, Moron One finished her label, managed to find U.S. currency among the lollipops and horse bridles in her purse. The clerk peeled the label-sticky and stuck the label on the package.

Meanwhile, Moron Two wanted a couple of prepaid express/priority mailing boxes. Maybe. But he didn't know what size he'd used before or what size he needed for his next mailing. He waved his hands in front of his chest, "It was about this big."

The clerk brought out a box.

"Nope, that one's too small, I guess I want the next size up."

The clerk brought out the next size up.

"Nope, that's not it either."

The clerk wisely brought out one of each size box. There are seven flat-rate boxes and two flat-rate mailing envelopes available, if I accurately kept track of the product show. I hope there will be a contest and I can win a free trip to the Bahamas for knowing this.

"Nope, I guess I had something else. How about those other packages?"

The clerk dragged out examples of each of the rest of the Post Office's available mailing packages.

"I don't see what I want, but I guess I'll take two of that one, two of that other one, and one of that big one," Moron Two finally decided, after seeing everything except the clerk's lunch box.

Moron Two attempted to pay for his stuff with an unacceptable credit card, with a check written on a bank in Myanmar, then with Polish zlotys. Finally, to the crowd's relief, he managed to find some U.S. currency in his pocket.

A few of us were considering going to an outdoor outfitter and buying the Post Office employees a few pistols or rifles, or perhaps an assortment of both. Or, perhaps we'd do the shooting ourselves. No one left the line though. They didn't want to lose their place.

Meanwhile at window three, Moron Three attempted to bargain for his mailing needs. He wanted three stamps. Or three units of postage. He wanted to buy the Forever stamps at the old rate of 41 cents. "That what they cost when they were printed," he pointed out.

"Yes, but they are now 42 cents each. If you buy a whole lot of them they will always be good for a First-Class ounce, even if the rate changes."

At the rate the line was moving, the postal rates would most likely go up before these three morons got finished. Someone suggested we take up a collection of loose change to get Moron Three out of the way. But, no one wanted to give up their place in the line, which now extended well into the lock-box lobby.

"Will these work on any envelope?" Moron Three asked.

"Yes, or we can sell you envelopes with postage included for 51 cents each," the clerk mentioned.

"That makes those envelopes worth 9 cents! That's outrageous! I can buy envelopes for 2 cents each," Moron Three complained.

Among the crowd the commentaries went, "Try buying just three envelopes at MegaMart." and "If they have rope, I'll buy 50 feet to hang you from the rafter, you #$%&@." My lone suggestion was to drive to MegaMart, buy a box of 70 envelopes, return and give the guy three envelopes. But no one dared abandon their place in line.

Moron Three finally acquiesced and spent his $1.53, complaining "Boy, this is such a rip-off!" and seeming to hope someone in the line would agree with him.

All three Morons concluded their transactions simultaneously. The line moved ahead for the first time in five minutes, or was it 15 minutes, or was it 15 hours?

I bought 10 1-cent stamps to make the new rate with my older stamps. How those postal clerks put up with us customers is an example of perfect patience. I couldn't do it.